just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
