glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
