i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
