we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
