Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
