just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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