Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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