She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
