She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
