I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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