Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize