I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
