Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
