it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
