Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
