The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
