do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
