it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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