the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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