then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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