We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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