am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
