I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
