i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
