hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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