I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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