I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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