the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
