Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
