From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
