I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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