he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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