I can't breathe out the right side of my face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
