My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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