the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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