I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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