my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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