I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
