Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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