I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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