party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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