is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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