I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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