easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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