he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
