Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
