Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
