how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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