I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
