mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
