That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
