no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
