god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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