I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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