i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would ride that face into the sunset
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
