i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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