Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
