you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
