Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
