What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
