I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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