you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
