I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
