would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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