she was so not down for the gang bang
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she pinky promised me she was 18
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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