I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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