Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ok first of all what the fuck
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
