I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
