I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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