At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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