Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
