Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
