i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
