If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
